Auld Lang Syne Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of Auld Lang Syne.

For Auld Lang Syne, my dear,
For Auld Lang Syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For Auld Lang Syne.

And here's the hand, my trusty friend
And gives a hand of thine
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For Auld Lang Syne.

For Auld Lang Syne, my dear,
For Auld Lang Syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For Auld Lang Syne.

"Everything To Everyone" (2003)

Celebrity Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Don't call me a zero
I'm gonna be a hero
Like Phil Esposito or the Kennedys

I'll be incorporated
And I'll be imitated
And overrated, but that doesn't bother me

All the jaws will drop
And all the girls will scream
And there will be commotion when I show up on the scene

All that you will see is a celebrity [x2]

When I'm riding in my limo
I won't look out the window
Might make me homesick for humanity

There's nowhere that I can't go
And there's nobody I don't know
And there's an emptiness that's eating me

All the clocks will stop
And all the jeans will cream
It has always been my one and only dream

All that's left of me is my celebrity [x2]

Leave your heart
Lay down your art
You're here for the party
Smile and wave
Try to behave
Be happy that they've made you a celebrity

I could disappear into the great unknown
And it would wear my face as if it were its own

And all that you will see is a celebrity
All that's left of me is my celebrity
I will get in first and I will get in free
All that's left of me is my celebrity

Maybe Katie Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

[CHORUS (x2):]
What's so maybe about
What's so maybe about
What's so maybe about Katie?

What's the use in hesitating?
Can't you see that Katie's waiting?
Just because her youth is fading
Doesn't mean that she's not worth dating

[CHORUS (x2)]

I don't know what the fuss is all about
Just take it slow
It's not like you can't live without her
To and fro
If you've got a shred of doubt then it's not worth it

[CHORUS (x2)]

Can't you see her with her arms wide open
She's everything that you've been hoping for
Forever's not so long, stop moping
She's got a daughter and you're just not coping.

Do you know everyone you ever swore you'd love for life
I don't know them anymore
I know their names
I'd recognize them on the street and I don't love them

[CHORUS (x4)]

Another Postcard Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You can't imagine so many monkeys in the daily mail
All of them coming anonymously so they leave no trail
I never thought I'd have an admirer from overseas
But someone is sending me stationary filled with chimpanzees.

Some chimps in swimsuits, some chimps are swinging from a vine
Some chimps in jackboots, some chimps that wish they could be mine.
Starsky and Hutch chimps, a chimp who's sitting on the can
A pair of Dutch chimps who send their love from Amsterdam.

[CHORUS (x2):]
Another postcard with chimpanzees
And every one is addressed to me.

If I had to guess, I'd say the monkey-sender thinks it's great
He's sending me, maybe she's sending me just to see me get irate
I'm losing sleep - and it's gonna be keeping me up all night
I thought it was funny, but now I've got money on a monkey fight.

Some chimps in hard hats, chimps a-working on a chain gang
Some chimps who love cats, burning rubber in a Mustang
A birthday-wishing chimp, a chimp in black like a goth
A goin' fishin' chimp, a British chimp in the bath.

[CHORUS (x2)]

Somehow they followed me even though I packed and moved my home
No matter what, they come and they come they won't leave me alone
Another monkey in the mail could make me lose my mind
But look at me shuffling through the stack until I finally find

Some chimps in swimsuits
Some chimps in Jackboots
Some chimps in hard hats
Some chimps who love cats
I've got some shaved chimps; that's chimps devoid of any hair
I've got depraved chimps dressed up in women's underwear.

Another postcard with chimpanzees
And every one is addressed to me.
Every one is, every one is, every one is addressed to me.
Every one is, every one is, every one is addressed to me.

[CHORUS (x4)]

Some chimps in swimsuits, Some chimps in Jackboots
Some chimps in hard hats, Some chimps who love cats
I've got some shaved chimps; that's chimps devoid of any hair
I've got depraved chimps dressed up in women's underwear.
Starsky and Hutch chimps, a chimp who's sitting on the can
A pair of Dutch chimps who send their love from Amsterdam.
Some chimps in Mustangs, Some chimps in chain gangs
I got a birthday wishin' chimp and I got the goin' fishin' chimp

Next Time Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

[CHORUS (x2):]
You can always get it right next time, next time
You can always get it right next time

You can count on me to mess it up
You can count on me to let you down again
And in time you'll see that I'm your only friend

[CHORUS (x2)]

Comfort in community obliterated
Given opportunity I hesitated
Even my humility's humiliated

[CHORUS (x2)]

Next time, next time

When you die they make a list of every love you never kissed
Of each regret and each mistake
Every choice you'll fail to make
Oh well...
Oh well...
Oh well...

It's a shame I have to wait until the ending
Everything I've yet to break is surely bending
Every vow I ever take is just pretending
That this mess I make is worth defending

[CHORUS (repeat)]

For You Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I have set aside everything I love
I have saved everything else for you
I cannot decide what this doubt's made of
Though I thought over it through and through

In a book in a box high upon a shelf
In a locked and guarded vault
Are the things I keep only for myself
It's your fate but it's not your fault

[CHORUS:]
And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

There is nowhere else I would rather be,
but I can't just be right here
An enigma wrapped in a mystery,
or a fool consumed by fear

[CHORUS]

I will give you all I could ever give
Though it's less than you will need
Could you just forget, if you can't forgive
All the things I cannot concede

[CHORUS]

Shopping Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

[CHORUS:]
Well you know that it's going to be alright
I think it's gonna be alright
Everything will always be alright
When we go shopping

Well you know that it's going to be alright
When we go shopping
It's always lalalalala...
Shopping spree begin
It's always lalalalala...
Everybody wins

So shutup
And never stop
Let's shop
Until we drop

[CHORUS]

It's always lalalalala...
Shopping never end
It's always lalalalala...
Shopping with our friends
Shopping once again

It's always lalalalala... [x4]

It's never enough
Until you've got all the stuff
When the going gets rough
Just shop with somebody tough

[CHORUS (x2)]

It's always...
When we go shopping [x3]

It's always lalalalala... [repeat to fade]

Testing 1,2,3 Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Maybe it would be fun
To get a new opinion
Get a little work done
And forget

Maybe it would be cool
If I rocked it old school
Try to break a gold rule
And a sweat

Better than the first time
Better than the worst time
If I could just reverse time
I'd be set

[CHORUS:]
Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

She got a new apartment
It's out on the escarpment
And in her glove compartment
Are my songs

She hasn't even heard them
Since she found out what the words meant
She decided she preferred them
All wrong

Kind of like the last time
With a bunch of really fast rhymes
If we're living in the past I'm
Soon gone

[CHORUS]

We recognize the present
Is half as pleasant
As our nostalgia for

The past'll be presented
Recast and reinvented
Until it's how we meant it

[CHORUS]

He's everything that you need
You wiped out on your ten speed
And either he will succeed
Or just suck

[CHORUS]

Begin the...

[CHORUS ]
Would I be in the clear, G?

Testing 1,2,3
Testing 1,2,3

Upside Down Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I'm not surprised it's come to this
Sooner or later there must be another's kiss
Behind that kiss a promise of a life of bliss
Yeah, great
I won't be takin' the bait
I'd rather drown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

Imagine everything you've done
Under a microscope on view for everyone
And if the King of Circumspection's here
He's come in vain
I won't be sharing the blame
I wear the crown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

Nothing's good enough for me
To shake me from complacency
I make my mind up and I'll never be

The kind of man who'd make a choice
For if I hold my tongue I'll never lose my voice
If each attempted act of sabotage destroys all hope
I won't be needing a rope
I'm gagged and bound
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

And if the genie were set free
And by the laws of things like that, he's indebted to me
I'd bury my three wishes
deep down in the ground
So I will not turn my whole life upside down

Though I appreciate the aim
Tell Andy Warhol's ghost that he can keep his fame
I'd only use it to make everything the same again
So don't applaud till the end
I'm not around
Cause I will not turn my whole life upside down

Nothing's good enough for me
To shake me from complacency
I've made my mind up
I won't make a sound
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

War On Drugs Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

She likes to sleep with the radio on
So she can dream of her favorite song
The one that no one has ever sung since she was small

She'll never know that she made it up
She had a soul and we ate it up
Thrown away like a paper cup
The music falls

The only flaw in her detailed plan
Is where she wins back the love of her man
Everyone knows that he's never coming back

He took her heart and she took his name
He couldn't stand taking all the blame
He left her only with guilt and shame and then she cracked

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

In the dream I refuse to have
She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath
We're left to deal with the aftermath again

On behalf of humanity
I will fight for your sanity
How profound such profanity can be

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be

Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below

They've put a net there to catch their fall
Like it'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know is when nature calls, you go

They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?

From the very fear that makes you want to die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be

Hard to admit I fought the war on drugs
My hands were tied and the phone was bugged
Another died and the world just shrugged it off

Aluminum Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

How, in every visible way, you shine
As if the stars in your wake align
Almost impossible to malign

But just below where you shine, you burn
Although I know it, I never learn
Just goes to show that I can't discern

[CHORUS:]
Aluminum to me
Aluminium to some
You can shine like silver all you want
But you're just Aluminum

Illuminating just what you want to show
You'd never rust, but I'd never know
You can't be trusted, I can't let go

[CHORUS]

Every time you're here, I forget
When you leave, you leave only regret
Every time you're here, I forget
Everything

You're so lightweight, how can you survive?
Recycling moments from others' lives
You're not as precious as you contrive

[CHORUS]
Yeah, you're just Aluminum

Unfinished Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I left a tip, but it was never a donation
I took a trip, but it was never a vacation
I took a seat, but I refuse to a number
And so defeated, I proceeded unencumbered

[REFRAIN:]
I'd say an ounce of prevention
Is worth a pound of attention span

I took her hand, but it was not in matrimony
I told my side, but it was never testimony

[REFRAIN]

Spanning all the ages
Turning all the pages
The history of me is incomplete

[CHORUS:]
Everything is Un-
Everything is Unfin-
Everything is Unfinished

I played along, but it was not for recreation
I left my home, but it was not evacuation
I made a pact that I would finish what I started
I admit the fact I was distracted and outsmarted

[REFRAIN]
[CHORUS x3 (3rd time over refrain's music)]

Everything is unfin-

Second Best Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Everything's a lie
We're all gonna die
Before we say goodbye, let's attack

I admit it's bleak
But I give it a week
Until our friends the meek give it back

Is it true? Well it's true enough I guess
Join the chorus of the second best

Second best [several times]

What's left of you that's real
A mutated ideal
With limited appeal, I suggest

If hitting is an art
Then it's drawn us apart
When you erased your heart and beat your chest

Is it you? Well it's you enough I guess
You're an angel in a see-through dress
Is it true, yes it's true enough I guess

Second best [Several times]

Perhaps it's just as well
That I still look like hell
At least the world can tell us apart

Is it true? Yes it's true enough I guess
Come join the chorus of the unimpressed
Is it true, yes it's true enough I guess
Sometimes it's better to be second best

Second best [several times]

Take It Outside Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Oh, I - I watch it all go down
Closed eyes - pretend noone's around
So I - I chose to play the clown
Or blow by and never make a sound

[CHORUS:]
Any other guy would wanna take it outside
But I'd never even try - who wants to get their lights knocked out?
Any other guy would wanna stir it up some,
But I'd rather say goodbye

Turn 'round - say it to my face
No sound - Everything's a race
Lose ground - lost in your embrace
Leave town - never leave a trace

[CHORUS]

Hardly know what anything's for
Just for show, I'm slamming the door
Even so, my heart and my head are an open book

[CHORUS x2]

I'd rather say goodbye

Have You Seen My Love? Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

[CHORUS:]
Have you seen my love?
Have you seen my love?
Have you seen my little girl?
Oh, have you seen my love?

All that I want is to be your friend,
Cause you're the only friend I've ever known
All I need is our love, we agreed
That the two of us wouldn't be alone

In these faded old photographs, you can see how we smiled
I became a man in your arms, now I'm helpless as a child

[CHORUS]

There is a dream that we both used to share
And we swore we would never wake
Now the dream's a nightmare, and the truth to be fair
Is that dreaming was the first mistake

Though we share the same memories, and I swear that's her face
Did you bury the woman I love, and fall asleep in her space?

[CHORUS]

album: "Maroon" (2000)

Too Little Too Late Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You say, "Why does everything revolve around you?"
You say, "Why does everything I do confound you?"
You say that I pulled the world from under you,
You can't go through it this time

And I could be good, and I would - If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait - Or is it too little too late?

One day, this embarrassment will fade behind me
And that day I could think of things that won't remind me
But these days it's unbearable for both of us
We can't discuss it this way

I'm gaining strength, tying to learn pull my own weight
But I'm gaining pounds at the precipice of Too Late
Just Wait

I could be good, and I would - If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait - Or is it too little too late?

Record and play, after years of endless rewind
Yesterday wasn't half as tough as this time
This time isn't Hell,
Last time, I couldn't tell
This mind wasn't well
Next time, hope I'm...
Going to be good, and I would -
If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait -
Or is it too little too late?
Good, and I would -
If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait -
Or is it too little too late?

Never Do Anything Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Wiped out down the stairs
I'll bet you there's a song in there
I'm not sure I'm prepared to write it down
That guy should be me
I'd look much better on t.v.
Then the world would see
That I can do anything

I can be that
But soon you'll see that
I will never do anything

Let's play tic tac toe
I'll play X, you can be the O.
Thoughts of turning pro
Have crossed my mind
I could make a mint
Fill my pockets with more than lint
I'll give you a hint
It involves the "internet"

I can be that
But soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that
But soon you'll see that
I will never do anything

Don't write me off as an also ran
Just mark me down as an angry man
Got a big chip, you want a fat lip?
How 'bout a mouthful of Chiclets?
Life passed me by, but it's not my fault
I'll lick my wounds, could you pass the salt?
I can be that, but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything

If I were the king
All my subjects they would dance and sing
They could kiss my ring
And kiss my ass
When I'm old and grey
I'll look back on my life and say
"Give me one more day,
And I'll still never do anything."

I can be that
but soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that
But soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that
But soon you'll see that
I will never do anything
I can be that
But soon you'll see that
I will never do anything

Pinch Me Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess.
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk, but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside.

It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone..,

[S] Hi folks this is Steven Page.
[T] This is Tyler Stewart.
[S] We're two members of Barenaked Ladies, and although you *thought*
you were downloading our new single,
what you're actually downloading is an advertisement for our new album 'Maroon',
comes out September 12th,
and after that point I'm sure you can download lots
of stuff from our record but until then you're just going to get lots of stuff with us bugging you.
[T] We fooled you, huh? We're sneaky like that...you can never trust a Canadian.
Next thing you know, we'll be supplying your natural resources!

...then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realise that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.

It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on.
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon.

It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.

[T] Hello? Hi? H-? Hello? If you just- Would you- Could-
Could you please leave a m- Ah. If you'd just let me leave a -
At the sound of the - Uh. Ah. Thanks.

Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realise that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Pinch Me
Pinch Me
Cos I'm still asleep.
Please God
Tell Me
That I'm still asleep

On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I Packed a car and leave this town
Who'll notice that I'm not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say 'underwear'
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway.
It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.

[S] If you're listening? We're trying to get our song on Napster,
but we don't know how to do it....errr....we're Barenaked Ladies
and we're trying to....Ty? Can you just press that over there?

Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realise that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Try to figure out what all this is for.

Go Home Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Well let me tell you if you're feeling alone,
Instead of whining and moaning,
Just get on the phone, tell her you're coming home
If you need, you should be there
If you scream in your sleep, or collapse in a heap
And spontaneously weep, then you know you're in deep
If you need her, you should be there
Go Home

There's nothing better than affairs of the heart
To make you feel so good then tear you apart
Make up your mind and stick it out or start again

You can't imagine what an effort it takes
When you make a mistake
And you know in the wake that a heart's going to break
If you need her, you should be there
If you're flummoxed and flushed
And your heartbeat is rushed
Then get out of the slush, tell your dog team to mush
If you need her, you should be there
Go Home

If you think of her as Joan of Arc
She's burning for you, get your car out of park
If you think of her as Catherine the Great
Then you should be the horse to help her meet her fate
If you need her, you should be there,
Go Home

You can't believe it, but it's true
She's given everything to you
Now take a moment to be sure
Before you give it all to her

Well now you're thinking that it's over at last,
All your woes in the past
But you've got to be fast; put your foot on the gas
If you need her, you should be there
so now you're out from under the gun
And it's over and done
I won't spoil all the fun but if you ever wonder
She'll be there if you need her
Go Home

If you're lucky to be one of the few
To find somebody who can tolerate you
Then I shouldn't have to tell you again
Just pack your bags and get yourself on a plane
If you need her, you should be there
Go Home
If you need her, you should be there
Go Home

Falling For The First Time Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser
I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out
I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby
I'm so fly, that's probably why it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

I'm so green, it's really amazing
I'm so clean, too bad I can't get all the dirt off of me.
I'm so sane, it's driving me crazy
It's so strange, I can't believe it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind
It feels just like I'm falling for the first time
It feels just like I'm falling for the first time

I'm so chill, no wonder it's freezing
I'm so still, I just can't keep my fingers out of anything
I'm so thrilled to finally be failing
I'm so done, turn me over cause it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

Anything plain can be lovely, anything loved can be lost
Maybe I lost my direction, what if our love is the cost?
Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind

Conventioneers Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You walked into the room
And the whole place stopped to notice
Standing next to you, I feel hopeless and you know this
I've never been ashamed of my attraction
I'd be happy if you gave me just a fraction
As we danced, I could see in your eyes
You and me as senior citizens in love

I followed your perfume out away from all the rabble
Right up to your room for a drink and travel Scrabble
You, stationed in the warm glow of the t.v.
Too patient as I'm playing L(1)O(1)V(4)E(1)

And we laugh...and we laugh...and we laugh
And we have to or we'll end up in the bath

Now we're in the bath, I'm already thinking marriage
I know that in the past it was something I'd disparage
You turned down all the lights, I lit the candles
We rolled around in robes and hotel sandals
Then you slept, and I dressed, and I left
And I guess I'll see you Monday like before

Before all the fireworks exploded
Our conversations were so loaded, innuendo flying
Now what can we say?
Have a nice day
Looks like rain today...

Now I'm in a cab, heading back to my apartment
Everything is drab, and I wish it never started
Now I've landed in this awkward situation
How can I just avoid a conversation?
So I wait, come in late. It'd be great
If you transferred out of state

Sell Sell Sell Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

The credits roll, the camera pans
And in the mist our hero stands
He starts to speak, then folds his hands in prayer
An awkward pause, then what's my line?
There's nothing left to say this time
And what would you say to a bad guy who's not there?
In terms of Roman numberals,
He's IV league with Roman Polanski
He'd win an Oscar every time if he was only given the chance

He started on the Broadway stage
A product of another age,
An offer and a pilot drew him west
The series bombed, commercials came
And though nobody knew his name
They all recognized the potential he possessed
Deodorants and dental floss
And how much does that new car cost
His acting was methodical in You Don't Need A Medical
He's branded like a racing car,
He's like a movie star with movies
The week of Independence Day,
The casting agent called to say
Your smile could save our movie and the world

Buy buy buy buy
Sell sell sell
How well you learn
To not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end

It goes like this, we have no choice; the minarets,
The wailing voice
And vaguely Celtic music fills the air
We choose a foreigner to hate,
The new Iraq gets more irate
We really know nothing about them, and no one cares
Aladdin and the forty thieves
Enhanced by brand new special effects
Saddam and his cow disease spiced up
With some gratuitous sex
A movie's made, a war is won
A low-speed chase, a smoking gun
Distracts us while the actor takes the stand

Buy buy buy buy
Sell sell sell
How well you learn
To not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end

The Humour Of The Situation Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

When you walked in, I said with a grin
That we were just talking about you
We all had to lie because you would cry
If you knew we were laughing at you
In the momentary lull before the band begins to play
There's an overwhelming stench of alibi

Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation
Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation

I said on the phone "don't wait til I'm home"
But I'm sure I could hear you crying
I said where I was, but you doubt it because
It's the caller I.D. you're buying
In the hour that it took for me to drive up to the door
You'd arranged all my belongings on the lawn

Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation
Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation

Have you heard the one about the boy
Who moved into the henhouse to sleep?
He woke up with egg on his face
When he found out all the hens had crossed the street

Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation
Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation

As I walked out, I thought about all I had left behind me
I felt a chill because I was still
Wearing the emperor's new clothes
My mind was racing with each chance that I had missed
While your next door neighbour soaked be with the house
I've never felt so small, I've never been so dissed
As I shiver, dripping, while the chorus goes:

Come on now, now
Come on now, now
Enjoy the humour of the situation

Baby Seat Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You left Billy with the kid
And all the selfless things you did with Billy
You left your home town in the spring
And turned your back on everything
You thought your life would just go by
Without a pause to wonder, don't be silly

But you can't live your life in the baby seat
You've got to stand on your own
Don't admit defeat

He came down from his retreat
She saw him later on the street
He said "You are the only one
to recognize that I'm the son"
So she bent down and kissed his feet
And then that night, between the sheets she told him

You can't live your life in the baby seat
You've got to stand on your own
Don't admit defeat
You can't live your life in the baby seat
You've got to stand on your own
Don't admit defeat

40 days at sea
Then she turned and said to me
"If we make it back
I'll renounce Jack Kerouac
And all that romantic crap
Like I'm an artist don't look back"

Now we're living somewhere else
We keep opinions to ourselves
But still we seek a sneaky peek at heaven
When the working week defeats us
If you think growing up is tough
Then you've just not grown enough, baby

You can't live your life in the baby seat
You've got to stand on your own
Don't admit defeat
You can't live your life in the baby seat
You've got to stand on your own
Don't admit defeat

Off The Hook Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

All around the room your things are placed
And next to you he fills the space
And so it seems your saving grace is only saving face
The pictures of the two of you on holiday, on honeymoon
You thought that he was wanting you,
But he was only wanting you to
Let him off the hook

He was your imaginary friend,
You were partners til the end
Then something bends, and then it breaks, your worst mistake
Accepting enemies on bended knees; a litany of tragedies,
You're vexed, it seems you're hexed and after sex he expects
You'll let him off the hook til
Something that you heard while you were sleeping left you
Shaken while he stirred. When you awaken you will
Make him eat his words right off the hook
Hook and line, every time

The credit card receipts, the dirty sheets
The souvenirs of men who cheat
It all makes sense - with each offense
You wanted to believe him
He could get away with murder one,
And you would clean the smoking gun
With every crime, you bought each line,
But not this time, you'll make him
Eat his words cause

Something that you heard while you were sleeping left you
Shaken while he stirred
When you awaken you will
Make him eat his, make him eat his
Words while he's alone,
Cause you won't be around and
From now on the phone stays off the hook
Hook and line, everytime
Hook and line, everytime

Helicopters Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

This is where the helicopters came to take me away
This is where the children used to play

This is only half a mile away from the attack
This is where my life changed in a day
And then it changed back
Buried in the din of rotor noise and close explosions
I do my best to synthesize the sounds and my emotions
This is where the allies bombed the school,
They say by mistake
Here nobody takes me for a fool, just for a fake
Later at the hotel bar, the journalists are waiting
I hurry back to my guitar while they're commiserating

And I'll be leaving soon
I'll be leaving soon

Just as soon as we were on the ground
We were back in the jet
Just another three day foreign tour we'd never forget
It's hard to sympathize with all this devastation
Hopping 'round from site to site like tourists on vacation

And I'll be leaving soon
I'll be leaving soon

I can't help anyone cause everyone's so cold
Everyone's so skeptical of everything they're told
And even I get sick of needing to be sold

Though it's only half a month away, the media's gone
An entertaining scandel broke today, but I can't move on
I'm haunted by a story and I do my best to tell it
Can't even give this stuff away, why would I sell it?
Everybody's laughing, while at me they point a finger
A world that loves its irony must hate the protest singer

So I'll be leaving soon
I'll be leaving soon
I'll be leaving soon
I'll be leaving soon

Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Driving home to be with you
The highway's dividing, the city's in view
As usual, I'm almost on time
You're the last thing that's on my mind
I wish I could tell you the way that I feel
But tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

No commotion, no screaming brakes
Most of it's over before I awake
From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips
While out my window, the horizon does flips
The worst part was hitting the ground -
Not the feeling so much as the sound
Can't help but wonder if all this is real
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

Rubberneck traffic and passersby
And Slow Motion Walter the fire engine guy
Stand around with their mouths open wide
I heard some idiot ask if someone's inside
With the Jaws of Life they tried and they tried
Nobody here can know how I feel
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
So much blood

In all the confusion, there's something serene
I'm just a posthumous part of the scene
Now I'm floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
And you...you're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind

"Stunt" (1998)

One Week Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

I'll be that girl Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

If I were you (and I wish that I were you),
All the things I'd do to make myself turn blue
I suppose I'd start by removing all my clothes,
tie my pantyhose around my neck

I'll be that girl -- and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
And if I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow

If you will not have me as myself,
perhaps as someone else
Perhaps as you I'll be worth noticing
Then even a eunuch won't resist
The magic of a kiss from such as me

I'll be that girl -- and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
If I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow

It's time to kick off your shoes,
learn how to choose sadness
It's time to throw off those chains,
addle our brains with madness

'Cause we've got plenty of time
to grow old and die
But when at last your beauty's faded
you'll be glad that I have waited for you

When you're done
with being beautiful and young
When that course is run, then come to me

I'll be that girl -- and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow

It's All Been Done Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I met you before the fall of Rome
And I begged you to let me take you home
You were wrong, I was right
You said goodbye, I said goodnight

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before

I knew you before the west was won
And I heard you say the past
was much more fun
You go your way, I go mine
But I'll see you next time

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before

And if I put my fingers here, and if I say
"I love you, dear"
And if I play the same three chords,
Will you just yawn and say

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before

Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night
Will I see you on The Price Is Right?
Will I cry? Will I smile?
As you run down the aisle?

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before

Light Up My Room Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

A Hydro-field cuts through my neighborhood
Somehow that always just made me feel good
I can put a spare bulb in my hand
And light up my yard

Late at night when the wires in the walls
Sing in tune with the din of the falls
I'm conducting it all while I sleep
To light this whole town

If you question what I would do
To get over and be with you
Lift you up over everything
To light up my room

There's a shopping cart in the ravine
The foam on the creek is like pop and ice cream
A field full of tires that is always on fire
To light my way home

There are luxuries we can't afford
But in our house we never get bored
We can dance to the radio station
That plays in our teeth

If you question what I would do
To get over and be with you
Lift you up over everything
To light up my room

A Hydro-field cuts through my neighborhood
Somehow that always just made me feel good
I can put a spare bulb in my hand
And light up my yard

Light up my yard
Lights in my yard
Light up my yard

Leave Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I've informed you to leave
'Cause I can't afford to lose more sleep
I get ill when I get tired
So I'll try to rest if you'll stand guard

Do do do do do do do do whoa
Do do do do do do do

I've informed you to leave
'Cause I can't stand to hear you breathe
I chew up and I choke down
The scraps you choose to leave around

Do do do do do do do do whoa
Do do do do do do do

Apparitions still won't leave me alone
It's as if you never left
How am I supposed to remember you
When you won't let me forget?

I've informed you to leave
'Cause I can't afford to lose more sleep
There's your shoes, and there's the door
Please don't come here anymore

Do do do do do do do do Whoa
Do do do do do do do

Alcohol Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O Alcohol, I still drink to your health

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol

Forget the cafe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea
A Malibu and Coke for you, a G&T for me
Alcohol, Your songs resolve like
my life never will
When someone else is picking up the bill

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
O Alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I'll use something else

I thought that Alcohol was just for those with
nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there's a time
and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between
self-control and self-abuse

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Would you please ignore that you
found me on the floor
Trying on your camisole?
O Alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I'll use something else.

Would you please forgive me (x2)

call and answer Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I think it's getting to the point
Where I can be myself again
I think it's getting to the point
Where we have almost made amends
I think it's the getting to the point
That is the hardest part.

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
Ill point you home

You think I only think about you
When were both in the same room
You think Im only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think were here to play
A game of who loves more than whom

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
Ill point you home

You think it's only fair to do what's
Best for you and you alone
You think it's only fair to do the same
To me when you're not home
I think it's time to make this something that is
More than only fair

So if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
Ill point you home.

But Im warning you, don't ever do
Those crazy, messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you I'll be the first to crucity you
Now it's time to prove that youve come back
Here to rebuild.

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/barenaked+ladies/#share

In The Car Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

She fed me strawberries
and freezer-burned ice cream
I said "Goodbye, I guess"
She lifted up her dress
and so I must confess,
we made out one more
time before I left for good
She thought I'd come back but I
wouldn't want to seem like other guys

A book-and-record love,
we sat and read our books,
between those longing looks,
compounded by our fear,
My tongue inside her ear,
my tongue inside her
in the basement of her mother's
house where she once taped the
first three sides of Sandanista! for my car

We were looking for ourselves
and found each other
In the Car
it was rare to do much more
than simply mess around
In the Car
It was mostly mutual masturbation
And though we spoke of penetration
I'd have to wait for someone else to try it out

Once I had this dream
where I slept with her mom
Unless I've got this wrong, a secret all along
Unless she hears this song,
unless she hears it
on a tape inside her car
with her new husband and she
turns to him and says "I think that's me"

In the Car
We were looking for ourselves
but found each other
In the Car
We groped for excuses
not to be alone anymore
In the Car
We were waiting for our lives
to start their endings
In the Car
We were never making love
We were never making love
We were never making love

Never Is Enough Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

What, am I to wake up suddenly and then
enroll at the local college, earn me a degree
and I could work weekends?
If I've worked real hard
I could mow your back yard

I can go to Europe, travel with my friends
I can blow a thousand deutsche marks
to get drunk in a pub with some Australians
Buy a giant backpack
sew a flag on the back

I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff

I never had to spend a summer planting trees
I never worked my way through a forest inch by inch
doubled over on my hands and knees
I never spent a single day in retail
telling people what they want to hear
telling people anything to make a sale
Eating in the food court
with the old and the bored

I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff

The worlds your oyster shell
But what's that funny smell
You eat the bivalve anyway
you're sick with salmonella
You get your Ph.D
How happy you will be
When you get a job at Wendy's
And are honored with employee of the month

I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff

Who Needs Sleep? Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Hala Hala Hala

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

[Repeat]

Told You So Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I never jumpted in and rescued you,
but I wanted to
I didn't tell you which way to go,
'cause I thought you'd know
You had a problem with your new found
wealth, you brought it on yourself
I never told you I told you so, but I told you so

Have to let it go
It's time to let it go
Now I can't believe
It took so long to leave
Perhaps one day I'll grieve
Or I never will

I never told you I agreed with you,
I don't think I do
I wasn't sure quite what the whole thing
meant, but I'm glad you went
I never thought that it could be painless,
but it is I guess
I had myself fooled into needing you,
did I fool you too?

Have to let it go
it's time to let it go
Now I can't believe
It took so long to leave
Perhaps one day I'll grieve
Or I never will

A viral infection that can incubate for years
Caused by affection fallen deep into arrears
No medication to procure
Makes me pure, there's no cure, I am sure

I never mentioned how I've prayed for you,
and now I've paid for you
I never said that I would wait for you,
it's too late for you

Have to let it go
it's time to let it go
Now I can't believe
It took so long to leave
Perhaps one day I'll grieve
Or I never will

Some Fantastic Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

One day I will build a fountain
Drink and never grow old
Then I'll market an elixir
that will eliminate the common cold
Find your sickness on my list
Pay up front and make a wish

One day I will work with animals
All the tests I'm gonna do
All my stuff's completely natural
And when we're done we'll boil 'em
down for glue
that we can use to re-adhere
your lips to mine if you were here

There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you

I can't stand to wait in line long
So I built a new machine
It just measures up the distance
and then eliminates the folks between

One day I'll construct a satellite
and I'll name it after you
'Cause you were the greatest friend of all
except for when you split my lip in two
To see the look upon your face
as I launch you into space

There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you

Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you left
I missed out on the best of you

Some day I will find the secret
to your social chemistry
Then I'll print it on a t-shirt
and it'll make you want to be with me
If I wear it past your work
you'll see other guys are jerks
Much like pheromones for flies
you will not avoid my eyes

There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you

Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you left
I missed out on the best of you

[Repeat]

When You Dream Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

With life just begun, my sleeping new son
has eyes that roll back in his head
They flutter and dart, he slows down his heart
and pictures a world past his bed
It's hard to believe
As I watch you breathe
Your mind drifts and weaves

When you dream,
what do you dream about?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?
Do you dream about
music or mathematics
or planets too far for the eye?
Do you dream about
Jesus or quantum mechanics
or angels who sing lullabies?

His fontanelle pulses with lives that he's lived
With memories he'll learn to ignore
And when it is closed, he already knows
he's forgotten all he knew before
But when sleep sets in
history begins
But the future will win

When you dream,
what do you dream about?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?
Are they colour or black and white,
Yiddish or English
or languages not yet conceived?
Are they silent or boisterous?
Do you hear noises just
loud enough to be perceived?
Do you hear Del Shannon's "Runaway" playing
on transistor radio waves?
With so little experience,
your mind not yet cognizant
Are you wise beyond your few days?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?

She's On Time Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Woke up, I was on top of the world
There was a beautiful girl in the bed beside me
Rolled over got a kiss on the ear
She said, "Listen up dear, there's a change inside me"

Can't say how frightened I am
How unenlightened I am
As I run for cover
Can't say how happy I am to be wrong

[Chorus]
She's on time, She's on time
She's on time, She's on time
She's on time, hallelujah
She's on time
And it's the safest time of the month they say for love

We move in a mysterious way
'Cause when some holiday
I'd say we work harder
Not happy with a hug and a kiss
Although most stop at this
We go much, much farther

We can't stop foolin' around
On the bed, on the ground on the bathroom counter
We can't stop when all our systems are go

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Between you and me, how happy we'll be
Repeating the cycle permanently
But where will we be when baby makes three?

I know that in a couple of years
I might lay down my fears and get psyched about it
Give in with out an ounce of regret
Trying not to forget what I liked about it
One day I might look like a fool,
With a yard, and a pool and a station wagon
Till then I get down on my knees everyday and pray

[Chorus]

She's on time, She's on time
She's on time, She's on time
She's on time, hallelujah
She's on time
And it's the greatest time of the month for making love

She's on time, She's on time
She's on time, She's on time
She's on time

Where's the drummer?

[Chorus]

She's on time, She's on time
She's on time, She's on time

Long Way Back Home Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

It's a long way back home
To pack up and leave again
Together alone
You without me again

It's a long way back home
And a long way back here again
I should have known
That you would just bleed again

[Chorus]
For the first time I knew what to do
The first time it's just me and you
Then the worst timing I ever knew
I have to go
I already know

It's a long way back home
To feel like I'm far away
And how should I know
What goes on here anyway?

[Chorus]

Why not spend a week on a star
No time, he can't get there by car
When we get some time on our own
We'll plan out our next day alone

It's a long way back home
To just about anywhere
'Cause once through the door
We're not even halfway there

For the first time I knew what to do
The first time it's just me and you
Then the worst timing I ever knew
I have to go
You already know

It's a long way back home
It's a long way back home

"Born On A Pirate Ship" (1996)

Stomache VS Heart Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

In through my veins, without brains,
I involuntarily take what I need, then I bleed
And it comes right back to me
But guts only eat
And sometimes they repeat on you
Keeping you on your toes or crouched above the loo

That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.
That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.

Blood turns from blue into red
'Cause of oxygen that it's fed
And I turn back to blue,
'Cause I'm losing you,
But Tummy just growls
Not real words, mostly vowels
And I always forget sometimes Y
Gratification can cause constipation
If organs are left to die

That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.
That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.

I gained all this weight out of love, not hate
I've got so much love to give (give me a break)
I'd love to sleep in late, but that dessert looks great.
Was it something I said or was it some I ate?
Heart beats in sync, beat in time,
Beat in bodies likes hers and mine,
But I fed only one, and look what it's done:
I've run out of blood and I'm chewing my cud
And my gastrointestinal festival's best of all
The cardiovascular questions they ask you are
Less than the answers they give you like cancer and

That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.
That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart.

Straw Hat And Old Dirty Hank Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I tend the wheat field that makes your bread
I bind the sweet veal, pluck the hens that make your bed
Mother Nature & Mother Earth
Are two of three women who dictate what I'm worth

[Chorus]
I'm the farmer.
I work in the fields all day
Don't mean to alarm her
But I know it was meant to be this way

You cried a tear, I wiped it dry
I put you up upon a pedestal so high
If you should waiver, if you should sway
I'd catch you, spread my tiny wings and fly away
You signed your picture with an O and X
I bet you don't write "love" each time you sign your cheques

[Chorus]

All of this corn I grow I grow it all for you
I took a hatchet to the radio I did it all for you
You could have written back,
You could have said "thank you"
I guess you've got better things,
Better things to do

You say you love me, is that the truth?
Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof
I know your address, I ring the bell
I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells

I'm the farmer
I work in the fields all day
Never wanted to harm her
But I know it was meant to be this way

I Know Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I know why I like you
It's 'cause of your haircut and your clothing
And 'cause you're racist.
I have a match; your face,
My asking you questions you can't answer
You want to box me?

Our world works in a weird way
I've heard them say a man with a beard may
Frighten children or dogs but a moustache scares me more

I know why you bite me
It's cause of your canines and your instincts
And 'cause I kicked you
I have a bone to pick;
Please go on the paper and fetch me my slippers
And stop meowing.

Man's best friend wags his tail and
Bares his teeth to the man with the mail and
Though he's frightened of thunder he never goes to war

Tell me what's the circumstance of circumcision?
And what goes in my daughter's pants is whose decision?
I've seen the facts of inter-race relations,
Of see-through slacks, of cyber-masturbation;
If a hundred monkeys each could get their own show,
Perhaps one day a chimp might say
You have faith, you just need to use it sayeth the Lord

I know why I like you
It's 'cause of your sandals and your supper
and 'cause you're Jesus
I have a match; your Dad, my dad has
Your picture right next to your mother's
And one of Charo

They hold hands up in heaven
And they say that their son's name is Kevin
But I read in a book somewhere that his name is Jack.

This Is Where It Ends Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I don't buy everything I read,
I haven't even read everything I've bought
I don't cry every time I bleed,
my eyes are dry, but they're bloodshot
I have faith in medication
I believe in the Prozac Nation
You play doctor, but I've lost patience

[Chorus]
But this is where it ends
This is where it ends
Call the police and call the press
But please, dear God, don't tell my friends
This is where it ends
This is where it ends

Where's my pride? Where's my self-esteem?
Does it show in the drinks I've bought?
I don't hide every time I'm seen, but I try not to get caught
Make excuses for behaviour
Can my illness be my saviour?
Hid my heart while you still gave yours

[Chorus]

She says she wants to live in a movie
I say I want someone else to stand behind me
And write it all down
'Cause I can't be bothered
Doing it myself.
And I don't want the responsibility of
proving it's importance.

I have loved and I have waited
Been picked up and been sedated
mental health is overrated

[Chorus]

When I Fall Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

I look straight in the window, try not to look below
Pretend I'm not up here, try counting sheep
But the sheep seem to shower off this office tower
Nine-point-eight straight down I can't stop my knees

[Chorus]
I wish I could fly
From this building
From this wall
And if I should try
Would you catch me if I fall?

My hands clench the squeegee, my secular rosary
Hang on to your wallet, hang on to your rings
Can't look below me, or something might throw me
Curse at the windstorms that October brings

I look in the boardroom; a modern pharaoh's tomb
I'd gladly swap places, if they care to dive
They're lined up at the window, peer down into limbo
They're frightened of jumping, in case they survive

I wish I could step from this scaffold
Onto soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed
With my family and my pastor and my grandfather who's Dead

Look straight in the mirror, watch it come clearer
I look like a painter, behind all the grease
But paintings creating, and I'm just erasing
A crystal-clear canvas is my masterpiece

[Chorus]

I Live With It Every Day Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

On August first, nineteen-eighty-one
I cycled to Scott's house with a BB gun
We were almost twelve, but we looked thirteen
He had baby-blue eyes that I shot him between
Nature provides for us a safety net
Whatever we do, we can never forget

[Chorus]
I live with it every day
Even though we moved away
Our yesterdays are on a loop;
A marathon of heartbreaking moments
I live with it every day
For every step I have to pay
The only thing that they can't take:
The guild that spirals in my wake

The day they found me asleep on the floor
Engine running, closed garage door
Was the day the For Sale sign arrived on the lawn
Two weeks later, and we were gone
Everyone falls through time and the funnel it makes
But I'm staying here inside my biggest mistake

[Chorus]

The love I put away
Like games that children play
The hearts you choose to break
Like cars dumped in the lake
The laugh lines on your face
The life I won't embrace
The cold house I won't leave
The guests I won't receive

[Chorus]

The Old Apartment Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Broke into the old apartment
This is where we used to live
Broken glass, broke and hungry
Broken hearts and broken bones
This is where we used to live

Why did you paint the walls?
Why did you clean the floor?
Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?
This is where we used to live

Why did you keep the mousetrap?
Why did you keep the dishrack?
these things used to be mine
I guess they still are, I want them back

Broke into the old apartment
Forty-two stairs from the street
Crooked landing, crooked landlord
Narrow laneway filled with crooks
This is where we used to live

Why did they pave the lawn?
why did they change the locks?
Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk
This is where we used to live

How is the neighbour downstairs?
How is her temper this year?
I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun
I know we don't live here anymore
We bought an old house on the Danforth
She loves me and her body keeps me warm
I'm happy here
But this is where we used to live

Broke into the old apartment
Tore the phone out of the wall
Only memories, fading memories
Blending into dull tableaux

I want them back

Call Me Calmly Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You and I were meant to be
Even though you don't know me
I don't even know your name
And do you think that you know mine?
You were lonely, I was bored
I may be more than you can afford
But I'm sure we'll meet halfway

[Chorus]
And I've got this crazy feeling
you've been trying to get to me
When all you have to do is calmly
Call me, call me, call me

Basic service: sixty bucks
I'll roll the dice, you try your luck
A pair gets me a week in rent
And a straight gets even more
I'm no good at playing cards
I hold my dates in high regard
Pay up front and ye shall receive

Love is never in-between
if it isn't one thing, then
it's always something else

I don't even know what I mean
I thought that it was nothing, but now I
can't find nothing else
Oh, you can't hide
But at least you tried to

Call me, call me, call me

Are you ashamed of what you've done?
All we did was have some fun
I won't judge and I won't tell
And I'll forget you when you've gone
I pity all you working stiffs,
Living wondering "what if?"
"What if someday I was free?"

[Chorus]

Break Your Heart Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time
I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart

And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true
it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart

And you said
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Curl up and die just because of you?
I'm not that weak, you know
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Try to make you love me as much as I love you?
How could you be so low?
You arrogant man,
What do you think that I am?
My heart will be fine
Just stop wasting my time

And now I'm over you, I'll be OK,
and that I've got what I want,
and that's rid of you
Bye
And it's not 'cause I'll be missing you
That makes me fall apart
It's just that I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
Your heart

There's A Spider In My Room Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

There's a spider in my room
There's a spider in my room

And then a voice above my head
Said if that spider were made dead
I'd better grow some fins 'cause
It would make it easier to swim

I don't like spiders and snakes
The way they crawl, the way they shake
If a spider gets killed how does that make it rain
How could I be the one to blame

A whisper drizzled down from the ice in its eyes
it said, "Try pickin' on your own damn size,"
But the Hoover was quick, termination complete
In its bedroom home got a chance to eat.

In the corner beside my bed
Very busy spinning thread
Eight legs and a little head

I hear the thunder from outside
And the water's gettin' high

I don't like moths and bugs
They buzz, they get in the rugs
But where does a guy find some room
in this life raft home, a little rubber tomb

There's a spider in my room
There's a spider in my room

Same Thing Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

What does it mean to wake out of a dream and be
Wearing some else's shorts?
I've been around the block, at least on my bike
I was prepared for the news but not for
The Third World War

I found me an answer, in a grocery store
I found me an answer in the form of an old man with
a cardigan on, this guy's got thirty years on me but
he stops and smiles just to say "Hello,
didn't I see you on TV?"

Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same thing
Charlie Brown went through

I'm in a comic store
Lookin' for some mistakenly priced comic I could make
A fortune on and in walks the Fantastic Four
I say "Don't go; That last issue was cool!"

Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same thing
Must've been the same

These things all end
Who asked you anyway?
You'll have to bend
Who asked you anyway?

I'm in a thunderstorm
Staying out from under trees never holding
Golf clubs, but still seem to be getting
Struck by lightning... must be
Something in my veins
My weathered veins

Must've been the same thing

Just A Toy Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Look at my mouth, a thin painted line
Look at my limbs, bent up and bundled in twine
Forever, ever mine
Form of a tree, shape of a child
I wish I could cry, stuck in a permanent smile
Forever, ever mine

[Chorus]
I know you must have loved me sometime
But now I'm just a toy
I know you must have loved me sometime
But now I'm just a toy

First there was me, nothing but time
Till he came along, you told me you'd always be mine
Forever, ever mine
Look at his face, somewhat like mine
But look at his nose, you can always be sure that he's lying
Forever, ever mine

[Chorus]

Who needs you
A boy-to-be who
Needs to be

Better than him, worthy of you
Given the chance that he had, I know what I'd do
Forever, ever mine
I call him liar, you call him son
If I could move, I'd set him on fire and I'd run
Forever

[Chorus]

In The Drink Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

[Chorus]
I'm in the drink for love
And want to drink your love
Swimmin' a swim in the suds
I want to drink your blood

Up like a rocket, down like the rain
Back and forth like a choo-choo train
I have a secret that just won't keep
All I wanna do is brush your teeth

Butterfly kisses
And the taste of delicious
I'd like to sip the sap from your tree
And the honey in the tea
Dripping amber drips
Patiently

[Chorus]

I'm in the drink for love
And want to drink your love
Squishin' toes in the mud
I want to drink your blood

Caught a snowflake on my tongue
A feathery crystal in the flavour of gum
Dropping clouds fallin' fast
Are you going to try some while they last?
Once the birds have migrated
Come Spring twitter painted
Up the river, I journey on
'Cause this salmon is ready to spawn

If you have some swimming lessons
it would make it easier

[Chorus]

Shoe Box Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

A key in the door, a step on the floor,
A note on the table, and a meal in the micro
Note says "I'm in bed, please make sure that you're fed
If you're taking a shower, you can borrow my bathrobe
When I'm asleep I dream you move in next week"
I crumple the note and save it to put inside

[Chorus]
My shoe box
Shoe box of lies
Shoe box
Shoe box of lies

it's under my bed, it's never been read
it's in with my school stuff and my mom never cleans there
From my first little fib, when I still wore a bib
To my latest attempt at pretending I'm someone
Who's not seventeen, doesn't know what you mean
When talk turns to single malts, or stilton, or

[Chorus]

Did somebody tell you
This is how it's supposed to be?
Or did you just find it
And you don't want any more from me?

[Chorus]

Was it something I said, or was it something you read
That's making me think that I should never have come here
I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye,
I can tell you I'm sorry, But I can't tell you the truth, dear
And what if I could - would it do any good?
You'll still never get to see the contents of

[Chorus]

You're so nineteen-ninety
And it's nineteen-ninety-four
Leave this world behind me
'Cause you don't want me anymore

"Maybe You Should Drive" (1994)

Jane Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair
Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there
It wasn't long before I lived with her
I sang her songs while she dried my hair

Jane, divided, but I can't decide which side I'm on
Jane decided only cowards stay, while traitors run
Jane, Jane

I'd bring her gold and frankincense and myrrh
She thought that I was making fun of her
She made me feel I was fourteen again
That's why she thinks it's cooler if we'd just stay friends
Jane doesn't think a man could ever be faithful
Jane isn't giving me a chance to be shameful

Jane, Jane

I wrote a letter, she should have got it yesterday
That life could be better by being together
Is what I cannot explain to Jane

The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair
Still dazzled by her smile while I shoplift there
No promises as vague as Heaven
No Juliana next to my Evan
Jane, desired by the people at her school and work
Jane is tired, 'cause every man becomes a lovesick jerk

Intermittently Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Someone somewhere has unglued our epoxy
And now I'm kissing you by proxy
Hope you don't mind
Somewhere someone is dreaming of me
Tries to love me, hope you don't mind

I love you
Intermittently
I love you intermittently

She's a lot like you but she don't look like you
Okay, she's not you
But she'll do fine
I got my life on hold just to avoid confrontation
But should I tell you to your face and
Risk my hide?

I love you
Intermittently
I love you intermittently
When immeasurably
Turns to intermittently
There's no use in going on
Except for fear of being wrong
Every morning I just hit the ground yawning...
Stick around if you enjoy disaster
'Cause if you can't see what I'm after
You must be blind

I love you
Intermittently
I love you intermittently

Didn't have the heart to say goodbye
So I continued in my charlatan ways
Did I say heart?
I meant to say guts
Now I'm on my own and I'm sorry that you're gone

These Apples Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

A friend brought me flowers, she said they were lilacs
But I've never been good with plants
Her next presentation, a new dictionary
She'd circled the word "romance"

So enthusiastic, a little bit drastic
I shaved her name in my head
And as she beheld it, she said I misspelled it;
Need more be said?

[Chorus:]
These apples are delicious!
"As a matter of fact they are," she said
Can all this fruit be free?

She wrote me a letter as big as a phonebook
I've never been big on mail
I sent her a postcard from somewhere near Lethebridge
And wondered if it still went by rail

I've never been frightened of being enlightened
But some things can go too far
Though sometimes I stammer and mix up my grammar,
You get what my meanings are

[Chorus]

I'm not trying to sing a love song - I'm trying to sing in tune.
I know I am sometimes headstrong
Falling love, catching fire - I want to be consumed
Wondering will I ever tire, will I ever tire??

[Chorus]

You Will Be Waiting Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

As we walk together through the autumn, nearing winter
Through the dying leaves and trees we call our home and native land,
You say you don't believe a thing I say, I say you don't believe a thing
You say you can't believe how I don't understand

[Chorus:]
But I Know
That you will be waiting
Oh I know
That you will be waiting
Oh I know
You Will be waiting
Waiting there for me

You say you cannot live with me, you need your own identity
And now we air our laundry on national TV
And so you hate my arrogance, my smothering and sitting on the fence,
But I'm afraid of the hard permanence of letting you go free

[Chorus]

I'm so sick of fighting and that effigy you're lighting looks
An awful lot like whose name I just can't quite place
And though you say it's not supposed to be me or any entity
Still through the flames and smoke I see I recognize that face

[Chorus]

And you were someone who would
Always tell me things I don't know,
And tell me where to go
But there I'll always go
Whether or not you're waiting
I don't care if you'll be waiting
But please say that you will be waiting there for me

A Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

A is for angry, which is what you are at me
A is for adult, which is what I'll never be
A is for applesauce, my favorite meal
A is for Adam, which is how I sometimes feel;
Like I'm the only man on Earth, and I've forgotten what that's worth
A is for Arthur, he's a lovable drunk
A M & Azing, like Thelonius Monk
A is for argument, A is for apparent
A is for antagonism that's not even there and
it's just you begging for attention or something I won't even mention

[Chorus:]
And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go

A is for algebra, I learned it in school
A is what Fonzie said, 'cause he was very cool
A is for adversary, A is for affection
A is arousal, you are giving me an erection
C'mon I'm trying to show affection for longer than a half an hour

[Chorus]

I met a woman I used to know
Long before you, long ago
All I could say, after hello
Was "are you still single?"
A is for attitude I can't help but wield
A is for arrogance; emotional shield
A is for acting, A is for abhorrently
A is for asshole, which is what I am, how rude of me.
I owe you an apology I'm sorry

[Chorus]

Everything Is New Again Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Learn to lose, it's easier that way
We've paid our dues, but we can't make life pay
All across the world, people going mad
In their mother's cars, the kids are feeling sad
That's how it is, and I'll see you later

Everything old is new again
Everything under the sun
Now that I'm back with you again
We hug and we kiss
We sit and make lists
We drink and I bandage your wrists

Wasted youth -- there wasn't much to waste
Down to the bone, and still losing weight
With all the wishing in the world glistening in her eyes
But when I say I love her, she thinks I'm telling lies
Is it all lost? No, we never had it

Everything old is new again
Everything under the sun
All of our fears come true again
Recycle reuse
Resent and refuse
Our parent's ideals and view

She thinks the afterlife might just be where the action is
With high schools built like prisons, she can't find a way to live
Moved back home to fill the empty nest
Afraid to roam, in love with second best
While somewhere in the world, she's hosting her own show
And everyone she questions never seems to know
Everything old is new again
Who they are and where they are going

Everything under the sun
Now that I'm without you again
I wake up and eat
I go back to sleep
And let my nightmares repeat

All across the world, people going mad

Alternative Girlfriend Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You're in an all-girl band
Your futon's second hand
Your parents understand but you don't care
I have a job in a shop
I'm an undercover cop
I make sure the customers aren't thieves
Old at being young
Young at being old
Everything's on hold within our evolution

Chorus:
You're my alternative girlfriend
I love you, and now you cannot pretend
There's nothing left that won't cross over

Last night we slept on the lawn
you woke up and I was gone
Back to the dream I dream to leave
My life with her is a bore
A worn-out metaphor
No more surprises up its sleeve
We're old at being young
Young at being old
Everything's been sold to other's revolutions

Chorus

You live above your dad's four-car garage
With your vinyl and imaginary entourage
if I pull up in a U-Haul, pack up quick
So we can get out of this town 'cause it makes me sick

Am I The Only One? Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Am I the only one who gets to make you laugh,
Laugh until you cry?
Am I the only one who asks you to go,
Go on without me?
Am I the only one who loves when you leave
your hair down in front of your eyes?

[Chorus]
And who do you think I am?
And who do you think I'll be without you?

Am I the only one who had to dress you up
To see how you fell down?
Am I the only one who needs you to go,
Go on about me?
Am I the only one who loves when you leave
your hair down in front of your eyes?

[Chorus]

Little Tiny Song Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious
Hey watch me now, I'm furious
Hey I'm a cow, I'm full of hate
Hey watch me now, I'm on your plate

Life In A Nutshell Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

When she was three
Her Barbies always did it on the first date
Now she's with me,
There's never any need for them to demonstrate

She's like a baby, I'm like a cat;
When we are happy, we both get fat and still
It's never enough, It's never enough,
It's never enough

[Chorus]
But I don't tend to worry 'bout the things that other people say
And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way
Call me crazy but it really doesn't matter
All that matters to me is she

Her life in a nutshell
No way would she want it to change me
It's not that easy 'cause
My time is often decided for me
For me

She memorized every pencil crayon color in the box
Her blue-green eyes complement the burnt sienna in her locks
She's at the movies, I'm on the phone;
When we're separated, we're never alone, but still
It's never enough, It's never enough,
No it's never enough

[Chorus]

Her life in a nutshell
No way would she want it to change me
It's not that easy 'cause
My time is often decided for me
For me

I fell down with no one there to catch me from falling
Then she came 'round
And only her tenderness stopped me from bawling my eyes out
I'm OK, and that's why

Her life in a nutshell
No way would she want it to change me
It's not that easy 'cause
My time is often decided for me
For me

[Chorus]

The Wrong Man Was Convicted Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Who's lonely now? Which one of us is suffering?
Who's in his cups? Which one of us recovering?
Who likes to look at pictures and cries, but way too late?
Who doesn't want to change a thing, accepting it was fate?

[Chorus]
The wrong man was convicted
You know I did the deed
I thought that you would wait for me,
Your wants I needn't heed
The wrong man lies beside you
And waits for you to wake
And all because I lacked conviction,
The judgment's my mistake

Who's breathless now? Who only hyperventilates?
Who'd die for you? Who's dying inside anyway?
Which one of us is sunshine and which one's growing dim?
When two men dream of you at night, do you just dream of him?

[Chorus]

Who's lonely now?
Who's reaching out to no one?
Who's lonely now?
It takes one to know one
I changed my mind; you said that I could change it back
I wanted space, and now change has fallen through the cracks
If I'm again beside your body, don't tell me where it's been
It's cruel, unusual punishment to kiss fingerprinted skin

[Chorus]

It's my mistake

Great Provider Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

You and I have been through this before
I owe you my whole life, nothing more
I never said that I liked you the most
You're my father, I'm your son, who's the Holy Ghost?
Where does the time go when it's not around here?
Here we stand at the edge of the drive
I'm just waiting for my ride to arrive
I wait to see if you've any last words
We pulled away, I called your name, I don't think you heard.
Where does the time go when it's not around here?
I don't know
Where does the time go when it's not around here?
You and I never shared all that much
When I leave I'll be all right, I'll keep in touch
As your road narrows, so mine grows wider
As I leave I turn and wave to the Great Provider
Where does the time go when it's not around here?
I don't know
Where does the time go when it's not around here?

"Gordon" (1992)

Hello City Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

Hello city ...

Another night at the Palace
'cause there is nothing else to do.
The same people, the same drinks and the same music,
the same quicksand
I think this harbour town is waist deep and sinking fast.

[Chorus:]
Hello city,
You've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.

Second night at the Warehouse,
and my mock turtleneck just reeks.
From the liquor room to the changeroom,
to the doom and gloom
of the hotel room,

I wish this seaside beerhall would
sink into the bay.

[Chorus]

Maybe I caught you at a bad time,
maybe I should call you back next week,
maybe half the fault was mine that
the sun didn't shine on Barrington Street.

It's three o'clock in the morning,
and I'm hungry so let's eat.
Climb down three flights to the streetlights
and the bar-fights, we're just taking in the sights.
I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed.

[Chorus]

Enid Lyrics – Barenaked Ladies

[Chorus]
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

it took me a year to believe it was over,
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when you wrote me those letters,
and every time I remembered the taste of your lipgloss.

[Chorus]

Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway
but Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

There were times when I wanted to hurt you,
and there were times when I know that I did.
There were times when I thought I would kill you,
but can you blame me I was only a kid.

Tell me why we never respected each other.
and tell me why I never believed that you were a person too.
I always thought that you fancied my brother.
I may not have liked it, oh but memory is a strange thing, oh, and Enid?
Enid I remember you.

[Chorus]

Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway,
but Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

It took me a year to believe it was over,
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when I wrote you those letters,
and every time you told me to get lost.

Now it's not fair to say that it's
'cause I was three inches shorter then,
and it's not fair to say that it's 'cause
I was only fifteen years old.
But maybe it's fair to say it was a lack of communication,
I took a phone message, oh and speaking of communication; oh, and Enid,
Enid you got a cold.

I can get a job I can pay the phone bills
I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut off my cholesterol
I can work overtime I can work in a mine
I can do it all for you,
But I don't want to.

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

Followers